Log in

No account? Create an account
If I were to die [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | My Website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[20 Jul 2005|06:05pm]
Lately, I've been feeling sick to my stomach. I think its anxiety, band camp just started(on my birthday), and I got my hair cut. People say it looks nice, but I don't really like it short..

Well, it makes me have to stop and catch my breath. I don't know what the hell it is, but its horrible.. I want it to just go away. It was probably just from my string of depression..

I'll quit bugging ya'll for now


[15 Jul 2005|07:15pm]
I hate my father. I really fucking do. He just comes home and makes things miserable for us all. I've tried to slit my wrists, I've done it so many times.

Sometimes suicide seems like the best answer, but then I think of ya'll. And how ya'll would never know what happened or why I don't sign on. I couldn't do that to ya'll, you people here mean the world to me, I just wanted to let you know. I wont, and couldn't do it, because of ya'll.

[15 Jul 2005|06:43pm]
[ mood | amused ]

XD Sorry, I haven't updated on this for a while. Nothings happening in my life right now. XD go to my private journal if you want the boring details.

[01 Jun 2005|09:47am]
[ mood | happy ]

Madeline's coming back to Mississippi, but she has to go back to her dad's in Florida on the 10th *cries* At least we get to see each other, it *has* been like two years, ne Madie-chan?

Oh, well. Just felt like telling ya'll. =) i'm happy


[20 May 2005|08:01pm]
Okay, I'm gonna fill in those who read *this* journal, and leave the other ones out...>.>...okay, I'm not THAT mean. I'll put it in the other ones...may be.

Hmm...Yesterday could have been my last day in school, but I've decided to on the exam days..

We got our yearbooks yesterday. and Jared Jones was an adorable baby...XD okay, that's about it...

[16 May 2005|05:29pm]
O.x....I haven't updated for the past six days...sorry about that!

Oh well. Today I found out that I'm exempt from EVERYTHING!! mwuahahhaa..bow before Satan bitches!! XD lol. three and a half more school days left. But I really only have to go to two of 'em. hahahahahaaaaaa. I'm gonna go all the days so I can see my friends.

see ya'll tomorrow.

[12 May 2005|04:20pm]
Okay, the band concert's at six thirty, exactly two hours away, and I'm ready to go.

Well, I'll post either tonight or tomorrow on how it went..


Yeah, today was boring(sorta).

First block: we moved the band set into the auditorium, then rehersed for a little while(till the bell, actually..)

Second Block: watched a movie.

Lunch: nothing really happened, found out who Token likes(besides Erica). Hugged Harvey, he

Third: >.<...evil Coach!!! He kept picking on me!!!

Fourth: nuthing much

Oh, God. What a Day! [10 May 2005|08:12pm]
Okay, today I was having severe mood swings..-_-;; God, it was horrible!

Well, during first block, we played Zorro and American Folk Rasphody, worked out a few problems with each of them. Concert's Thursday..T_T After we got done playing, I walked over and started talking to the people who sit at the table(too lazy to type their names) and was punching and poking Scottie, and then he bite me(it broke the skin, though he won't admit that he actually hurt me, it's just a little scratch now >.< thank god..)

Second block, Hannah kept getting on my nerves. I don't know why, she just did..O.o...

Lunch, I went and put my book bag on the stage and then walked over to Andrea and Thompson's little lunch group and chatted with them for a few minutes, then went on my way to the bathroom. I walked throught he band hall and it's hall, only to be stopped by Token and Scottie...Token kinda backed off when I glared at them both, but Scottie obviously just doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself. >.<...

Yeah, well, he kept asking me 'what's wrong, midget' and 'tell me what's wrong' gah. like he cares! Token just stood there, after a few minutes I finally got away from them and got to go to the bathroom..

On my way back, I stopped in there and talked to them for a while, and Scottie finally dropped the 'what's wrong' bullshit..

Third, it was actually okay..

Fourth, I just sat there and did nothing...O.x.. then, after a while, i played a round of Magic with some friends..

Okay, I normally go to straight to the band hall towards the end of class, well Tiffany and Kendal(sp?) were sitting outside at the benches and they called me over, Kendal started to whisper in my ear whether or not Scott flirted with other girls, but Tiffany just asked, rather loudly, if he flirted with the girls in our third block(we have first and third together).

I just told her that he sorta did,(then Kendal went on about how he flirts with her when Tiffany's away from him)

*back to her asking me* then she asked who, then I told her that he really only attacks me but there's this other girl that he pokes and shit. She told me to describe her, and I did. She kinda sighed and said that she was going to beat him up the next time she saw him..

After that I continued to the band hall. I got lucky that they weren't playing(I hate walking in when their playing, it's really awkward. it's not like i get in trouble for it. it's just awkward..>.<..) Yeah, I wandered around and then went to the bathroom to fix my hair and make up, and when I came back I saw Scott and Tiffany talking, well, I just ignored them and kept walking, but I did notice that he just kinda watched me as I walked by..o.O

I think I really caused some problems..

The Dante's Inferno Test -- the SEVENTH LEVEL OF HELL!!!!!! [10 May 2005|05:39pm]
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)High
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

[08 May 2005|10:49am]
Stole this from Lauren-nii-chan's journal..

You scored as Pride.
















Seven deadly sins
created with QuizFarm.com

I've taken this test before. I posted it on one of my other journals...cant remember which one though, sorry.

Borderline:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Information --


[08 May 2005|10:43am]
Yeah, have ya'll noticed the trend here? I'll never post on Friday nights, or Saturdays...O.o...I don't know why, I just don't do it...

Well, I guess I'll fill you in on my weekend so far.

Friday: Got my new trombone(I'll post pictures of it later.), All day I was excited to get home, name my kitten, and play the damn horn(which I haven't touched since Friday..-_-;;).

Yeah, Well, the kitten's dead. Found it Friday afternoon, and we don't know how it died. It just, well to put it bluntly, died. Poor thing, and my mom actually agreed to let us keep it, too. I was depressed all weekend.

Saturday: Played more Zelda..which I haven't beaten yet!! Damn my lack of good batteries...>.< Read some more of Merrick.

Today: Gonna finish Merrick whether I like it or not!!!

[04 May 2005|06:28pm]
Today was an okay day. It was the 9th grade field trip to the zoo. I like the zoo.

Well, on the way there, and damn police car whipped out in front of our bus, causing us to slam on our brakes, and then bus C plows into us!! Here's a letter Mr. Breland passed out to all of us:

May 4, 2005

Re: Charter Bus Accident

Dear OSHS Ninth Grade Parents:

This morning at approximately 9:30 A.M., during our Ninth Grade Field Trip to the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans, two of our charter buses were involved in a minor collision caused by a third party. Police happened to be present during this collision, and I am pleased to report that there were no injuries to the students or staff. Mr. Terry Breland, OSHS Assistant Principal, was accompanying the ninth grade students on this annual excursion, and immediately reported the accident to me and to our Central Office. Phoenix Bus Charters,, the contracted transportation company that was providing service, sent additional buses so the trip could resume as scheduled.

Robert E. Hirsch

>.>...okay. It wasn't a minor accident. There were pieces of bus A and bus C in the road!! I mean, bus A's bathroom like died a tragic death. <.< yeah...minor my ass.

Just thought I'd let ya'll know..

[01 May 2005|07:34pm]
fair warning to all of you: i'm not going to be a very happy person tomorrow. It'll be May 2nd. And it'll make it seven years.

[01 May 2005|05:02pm]
got a meevers layout!! orlandogirl  made it! isn't she a genius? isn't it shibby?

[28 Apr 2005|07:23pm]
the title if my journal is the question i'm throwing at you all.

If I were to die, Would you care?

[28 Apr 2005|04:20pm]
[ mood | sad ]

my depression has been getting worse lately. Today, I even had thoughts of suicide. i really need help, but i'm just afraid to talk to anyone.

a lot of people were wondering what was wrong with me today, but, of course, everytime i just say 'nothing' or 'i'm fine' just to avoid their questions.


Depressed..again... [27 Apr 2005|05:56pm]
well, what could two posts hurt?

Yeah, like the subject says, i'm depressed..again. But I try not to let people at school know. I don't want them involved in my bullshit. It's not like they care.

another death [27 Apr 2005|04:24pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Okay, someone at our school died today. He was hit by a train. It was around 6-6:14 when it happened, he was on his way to pick up his girlfriend. It seems like a lot of people knew him, if you had been around the school today, you would probably have been scared.

A lot of people were crying, but it was really quiet. I feel bad for the victim's family and all of his friends. But I didn't know him, so I guess I'm lucky in that sense. But a lot of people did, and were affected by it. Well, when I get more info on this, I'll let you know.


[26 Apr 2005|10:08pm]

Told you I write poetry. So here's a crappy one...

The Real MeCollapse )


[26 Apr 2005|09:51pm]

Well, this is going to be a public journal, okay? blue_grey_pride</span>pretty_aiji  are still going to remain friends only, though..

So, I highly doubt anyone really cares about what goes on in my life. So I guess I can just tell you anything, right?

Well, to catch this journal up with the other three(yes there is another one. it's sweet_lucifer and it isn't really used at all anymore), I'm bipolor, bisexual, and suicidal. I write poetry, which I'll sometimes post. I like to draw, listen and play music.


[ viewing | most recent entries ]